Mortifying Ordeal

I’m thinking, in a darkened room

I’m growing, in my own cocoon

Immobile (with flightless wings),

Their two eyes: comforting screen

They’re blinking, in a cloudy space

Nightfall: stygian embrace

Their mouths move (exchange a word)

The clocks smile; They’re reassured

I’m reassured

They’re reassured

I’m reassured

How might I escape this lackadaisical haze?

I only know the smile as it’s leaving my face,

Now I’m counting the days

And the innumerable ways

I can go wrong.

Am I talking too long?


Self-sabotage has left me out in the cold

(at least, that’s what I’m told)

But I think I like it here.

And isn’t that weird?

No, I’m only overthinking

Quietly sinking

I hear the buzz of a swarm

Maybe it’s warm.

Must I get out of my head?

Bugs are stinging, crawling, biting;

I keep on fighting

But the heat is inescapable


I can fumigate my Self of these critical obsessions:

Emotional repression

It’s no deception: just a lack of direction

Upon reflection

It’s clear; I might simply have

Time to spend with others

The colors, they seem brighter

Feel lighter as we wash away the apathy

Happily, we sit. we stand. we walk.

Let us talk

I’m speaking, in this lambent room

I’ve outgrown my old cocoon

Take flight (with symbolic wings)!

Just two eyes: iridescent gleam

Mortifying Ordeal

BeNjamyn Upshaw-Ruffner They/He

Tioh'tia:ke / "Montréal"

BeN is an artist and writer studying philosophy at Concordia University in Montreal. They aim to make philosophy more accessible for more people, and hope to inspire others with their work.